No Rest For the Wicked….
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No Rest For the Wicked….
Howdy Taverneers! As some of you know, right before Trish’s memorial service back in January, I was out splitting firewood, wasn’t watching carefully where I put my feet, and tripped and fell, resulting in a boogered up left hip. It didn’t completely break as in the commonly heard refrain, “…he/she fell and broke his/her hip.” With mine, the ball part of my hip began collapsing into itself, which is pretty painful, and is irreparable, meaning that I have to have a complete hip replacement. In fact, I will be getting said hip replacement quite soon, on April 9th as a matter of fact. I’ve been meeting with doctors, and from what I’m hearing, the hip replacement is only slightly more invasive than a Covid test. If there are no complications, I won’t even have to stay in the hospital overnight. Physical therapy is optional??? Now like I said, my hip is painful, and there are no positions in which I can get into where I’m remotely comfortable. I walk with a pronounced limp, and the whole bloody thing, in general, is terribly inconvenient, but from what I’m hearing, is that I would have a much worse time having my tonsils out. And in reality, while every day that passes I am another day closer to my death (as are we all), it’s not because of my hip. THE REAL PROBLEM isn’t my hip; it’s the reality that now I’m officially (in the eyes of those around me and close to me) AN OLD MAN!!! All the sudden everybody is worried. It’s worse than being a newborn with brand new parents. Can you believe there are several folks, including my doctor who don’t want me heating with firewood anymore, because it’s “too dangerous?” And they’d all sleep easier if I gave up my kerosene lamps as well. And we won’t even mention Mezcal and loaded firearms. All of a sudden the place I’ve lived comfortably for better than thirty years has become the sequel to “No Country For Old Men.” Now everything is going to kill me, if I don’t screw up and do myself in first. People, well meaning though they may be, are already asking me if I’ve considered looking into heat pumps? Heat pumps? I concede to being a dumb ass for not looking where I was stepping, and, I’m doing my time for said action, but I’m not 900 years old and suddenly made of glass. I never promised anyone that I would even try to grow old gracefully. After losing Trish in the manner in which I did, there’s a whole lot of things about which I no longer care, and heat pumps is most assuredly one of them. In my estimation, “It’s better to die living, than to live dying.” Don’t know who originated that, but John Barlow (R.I.P.) wrote it into the song “Welcome to the World,” and it was masterfully performed by Bob Weir and Ratdog, and, is rapidly becoming the sum total of my life philosophy. When author Ambrose Bierce was in his early 70’s, he saddled up his horse, and crossed the Rio Grande, bent on joining up with Pancho Villa in the Mexican Revolution. We know that he mailed two letters from a town in Mexico soon after, then…just up and disappeared. Completely. Vanished without a trace. He could have been put up against a wall with a cigarette and a blindfold, or he could have made it to South America in search of the legendary crystal skull; no one has a clue. Frankly, if my life is to become restricted to existing in a perfectly safe, sterile and secure environment, give me the Mexican wall, the cigarette and the blindfold. Come to think of it, keep the blindfold; I’d prefer to see it coming.
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